“Be more aggressive.”
That was a goal of mine for years. Be more aggressive and less sensitive. I thought confidence was connected to aggression in a mutually exclusive way and that for me to find confidence I would have to go against my instincts and behave differently.
I admired women who demanded respect in a strong and intimidating way; women who could go from zero to 100 in a few seconds. I romanticized this version of confidence and I actually thought my success would be limited unless I could find a way to be more forceful and outspoken.
But to my surprise, confidence came to me through purpose. And purpose came to me through self-discovery. I learned that confidence was never about being anything contrary to what I really am. It’s about learning what moves me and how to assert myself in an authentic and natural way.
We can each cultivate our own formula for confidence. Think about the alignment of what you believe and what you value and what you do and say. Think about what you pay attention to, what energy you feed and what path you want to walk. Confidence is deliberately choosing how to respond in a given situation instead of reacting reflexively out of habit. It is showing up as yourself, whether people dig you and want you there or not.
It doesn’t have to be loud, forceful or demanding. Confidence begins quietly on the inside when you deepen your understanding of yourself and the value you bring to your surroundings.
As you build up quiet confidence on the inside, it pours out in the way you express yourself. Confidence is:
- Being cognizant of the energy you put into the world through the things you say and do. Paying more attention to this responsibility than any obligation to fit in or do what's expected.
- Learning the power of creating more meaning using fewer words. Resisting the need to have the last word and to insert yourself in every situation.
- Allowing the truth of who you are to come out of you in words, art, action and presence. Refusing to diminish yourself in order to make others comfortable or compete in order to prove yourself.
- Developing a deep awareness of what drives you, scares you and inspires you and how those factors show up in your life.
- Choosing to be one with the present moment at all times. Embracing the pace, the vibe and the flow that feels most natural to you and going with it.
- Investing energy only in what is meaningful to you and limiting distractions that pull you off your path. Deciding that your experience in life is your responsibility and it doesn't need to be validated by anyone else.
- Standing tall. Making eye contact. Being comfortable in your skin for no other reason than the fact that it's yours and you own it.
- Establishing a clear connection between what moves you and what you do. This means doing what you say you'll do and pursuing what you want. Inspiring yourself. Feeding your curiosity. Believing in your possibilities and ignoring limitations.
What is your unique formula for confidence?
GG Renee is an independent author, a creativity coach, a feeler and an overthinker. She writes for the crazy beautiful complex free creative inspired love drunk woman who relishes her quiet time and believes in miracles. Blog // Twitter // Instagram
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